Monday, October 26, 2015

We Are All Like Stairs, One Step After Another

The thought of my children’s fetal cells living on in my body is pretty amazing. The article I read today from NPR says that some cells may act as little sentinels looking out for breast cancer cells and killing them.

Normal Cells from WikiCommons

I’m comforted by that thought. Also by the idea that their cells stayed in my body long after they were born and traveled to my heart and other vital organs. But it’s the idea of them being in my heart that especially makes me feel like there’s even  more reason why we love our children so much. A part of them is technically inside our hearts until we die. How poetic!

The other theory is equally amazing. We very likely have the cells of all of our siblings who shared our mother’s body with us. Since I’m my mother’s sixth child that means that I possibly have the cells of my 4 older sisters and my brother, who I never met because he was born premature and died shortly after birth. He was born right before me so he left the most recent fetal cells when I was growing in my mother’s womb. And if the theory is correct, then I am the only sibling who carries his cells because I was the only sister born after him. Amazing!

Another thought that warms my heart is that my sisters and I all carry cells from our beloved eldest sister who passed away in 1995. The thought that I carry part of her inside of me is so remarkable. I love thinking that part of her is really here with me.

In reality we each carry part of our mother, grandmother and great-grandmother inside of us too. It reminds me of a line in The Joy Luck Club from the character An-Mei when she said that when we are born a girl to our mother we are “like stairs, one step after another, going up, going down, but always going the same way.”

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Being My True Self

This week I received my new copy of O Magazine in the mail. I love that magazine. Every month when I receive it I turn to the back and I read Oprah's "What I Know for Sure" piece first. The main themes in this month center around Thanksgiving, being yourself and belief.

October issue of O Magazine, published by Hearst Magazines.

I'm really interested in the "being your true self" subject and also about belief. I've been searching for a way to still believe without having an organized religion. I still want for my children to believe and I don't want to make excuses for my beliefs.

Just recently I had a bad experience with social media and I learned a very important lesson. I learned who I should and shouldn't allow into my circle of friends. It made me really sad for a few days and it almost made me lose my trust in humanity. I say "almost" because in the end I made the conscious decision to not let it change me.

For the most part I'm a very trusting person. I'm an open book both on social media and on my blog. I may even over share sometimes. I also think the best of people before I think the worst. I don't want to change that about me. I am not going to let another person's unkind actions change who I am and how I think about the world. Because if I do that then they will have won and I refuse to lose.

I love who I am with all my imperfect and flawed parts. Sure I get mad, I'm mean sometimes and I make mistakes. I'm human! But I love that I'm an open book and that I trust too much. I don't want to be a negative and paranoid person. That kind of person is not a happy person and they block the good energy in life.

Which reminds me, for the past 20 days I've been participating in the #100daysofhappiness project. Every day I post an image to Instagram and I write about what made me happy that day. At first I worried about repeating myself and I tried to keep my posts original. Then I thought, "Who cares?" If my kids make me happy 50 of the 100 days then I will say that, I don't care. I will post what made me the most happy that day, whatever it is and however many times that one thing or person makes me happy. That's the whole point of the exercise anyway.

Speaking of happy, I'm in Week 4 now of my new job and I am very happy to be back. I have a truly awesome team and management who really backs us up. I have a good feeling about this.